Managing Meltdowns in Toddlers and Teens
Do you feel like you're constantly trying to keep up with the perfect parenting you see on social media? You're not alone. So many of us feel like we have to constantly be doing more, achieving more, and acquiring more stuff in order to feel happy and successful. But the truth is, all of us are struggling to figure it out.
In this episode, I had the chance to chat with parenting coach, Rebekah Doak as she shows us how to manage tantrums and meltdowns by teaching box breathing and emotional regulation. As a mom herself, Rebekah understands the challenges that you face every day. By using the tools that she's going to share with you, you'll be able to get through the day with a little bit more ease.
Rebekah Doak is a parenting coach and owner of Elavie Consulting. She has worked with children and families for over 25 years, specializing in tantrums, meltdowns, and behavioral issues. Doak suggests that one of the best ways to prevent meltdowns is to put some sort of visual schedule in place for children so that they can take ownership over their daily routine. This way, they can see what needs to be done and feel in control, rather than feeling like they're being bossed around by their parents. Doak also suggests that when a meltdown does happen, it's important for parents to take a moment to calm themselves down before responding. This can be done by using a deep breathing technique called box breathing.
Here are the steps you need to follow to also get awareness, compassion, and regulation.:
1. Be aware of your triggers and try to avoid them if possible
2. Use deep breathing techniques to help regulate your emotions
3. Model empathy and apologize to your children after you have yelled at them
1. Be aware of your triggers and try to avoid them if possible
The first step in avoiding triggers is to be aware of them. For example, if you know that mornings are typically chaotic in your house, try to plan ahead the night before. This might mean laying out clothes, packing bags, and putting shoes in a designated spot. By being proactive, you can avoid some of the morning chaos and hopefully reduce the number of tantrums. If you find yourself in the middle of a tantrum, try to take a step back and assess the situation. What might have triggered the tantrum? Is there anything you can do to diffuse the situation? Sometimes, simply acknowledging your child's feelings and trying to empathize with them can help to calm them down. It's also important to model appropriate behavior for your child. If you find yourself getting angry or yelling, take a step back and calm yourself down. This will help your child to see that it's okay to feel angry, but that there are ways to deal with those feelings without losing control.
It's important to remember that everyone has triggers and that it's okay to feel angry or upset sometimes. The key is to try to deal with those feelings in a constructive way. If you find yourself getting angry or upset, try to take a step back and take a few deep breaths. This will help you to calm down and to think more clearly. Once you're feeling more calm, you can assess the situation and figure out what to do next. If you have a child who is having a tantrum, try to remember that they are probably feeling just as upset as you are. The best thing you can do is to try to calm them down and to help them to understand their feelings. Once they're calm, you can talk to them about what happened and help them to come up with a plan to avoid future tantrums.
2. Use deep breathing techniques to help regulate your emotions
To help regulate your emotions using deep breathing techniques, follow these four steps:
1. Breathe in for a count of four.
2. Hold it for account of four.
3. Breathe out for account of four.
4. Pause again for account of four.
Repeat this process until you feel your emotions begin to regulate.
If you find yourself getting triggered, take a few moments to do some deep breathing before responding to your child. This will help you to be more calm and compassionate in your dealings with them.
It can be difficult to remember to do deep breathing when you're in the midst of a parenting moment, but it's worth it to take a few deep breaths before responding to your child. This will help you to be more calm and compassionate in your dealings with them. If you find that deep breathing isn't enough to regulate your emotions, there are other techniques you can try. For example, you can try counting to 10 before responding, or you can take a few minutes to walk away from the situation and come back when you're feeling more calm. Remember, it's important to model self-regulation for your children. By taking a few deep breaths and remaining calm in the midst of a difficult parenting moment, you're showing your children that it's possible to regulate emotions, even when things are tough.
3. Model empathy and apology for your children after you have yelled at them
The third step in this process is to determine what the barriers are that are causing the routine to be such a struggle. This may involve putting shoes in the same place every day so that they're ready, or creating a visual schedule for the child so that they can take ownership over the daily tasks. Once the barriers have been identified, it will be easier to create a plan to overcome them.
It's also important to model empathy and apology for your children. After you have yelled at them, take a step back and explain why you were angry and why it's not okay to express anger in that way. Show them that you're sorry and that you understand how they feel. This will help them to develop empathy for others and to understand that it's okay to make mistakes.
If you're struggling to deal with tantrums and meltdowns, Rebekah Doak has some great tips for you. By being aware of your triggers, using deep breathing techniques, and modeling appropriate behavior, you can help to prevent and diffuse meltdowns.
You can learn more at www.elavieconsulting.com or https://linktr.ee/elavieconsult
Get more info from Rebekah through the links below:
Peace Out, Tantrums! - Your all in one self paced course to learn about becoming a more intentional parent
https://elevation-tribe.mn.co/share/aVYJNL_1BT6ODtDX?utm_source=manual
Making Sense of Sensory Processing mini course- An introduction to learning about your child's sensory system
Morning Madness Toolkit - everything you need for a calmer and more cooperative morning routine
https://elevation-tribe.mn.co/share/x3KbPT828LaQDHnR?utm_source=manual
VIP Chat- twice monthly group coaching subscription
https://elevation-tribe.mn.co/share/VB2heiZtm1AnCFgh?utm_source=manual
